February 25, 2004

Your friend here has never been a very rebellious sort of girl. Many go through puberty stage not without that rebellious streak. Not me. I posed absolutely no problem to my parents, nor my teachers. My grades were decent, and so was my conduct. I got detention, of course. But, that's only 'cos my Dad was late in sending me to school. So, you see, none of the trouble that I got into was a result of my own misdeed. (haha) I don't get angry often, that's true. I don't display my slender, slim and manicured middle finger often, that's true.

But I am no doormat either. In my secondary school days, I used sarcasm a lot. Ask my sec sch chums one of the few words commonly used to describe me, 'sarcastic' is among the first few. In my college days, I was almost worshipped due to my attitude, particularly towards my Accounting tutor, who, btw, was a damn sarcastic woman herself. Maybe cos I had accounts background from Sec sch (and i assure you it was damn good foundation I had from my sec sch accounts teacher, Mrs Cheng), I didn't see the reason to be afraid of tis particular teacher, unlike some of my other classmates. In fact, I'd occasionally challenge her method or her format. Such that she's quite used to my 'enthusiasm in questioning' and will ask every lesson, in her sarcastic tone, 'You have anymore questions for me?' Your unfazed friend here will then look her in the eye, with the most bored expression, and say 'No.' After which she will say, 'So, can we move on to the next question now?' And your friend here will say, 'Ya.' How spoilt is that? And you know what was her comment in my J1's report? '... is a confident student.' Talk about sarcastic!

Anyway, I've changed. I've, ahem, mellowed. I may feel extremely pissed but no way is the instigator gonna find out from my face. And if you indeed find out from my face, then I assure you I'm only kidding and making the obvious response. You are safe, I'm just playing along.

I believe not in getting angry and upset; I believe in getting even. And one doesn't have to stoop low to get even. I need not walk right into the trap and fizz or seethe. I will be on my most charming mode, most patient, most understanding. Why? Because I know you can't stand it and I'm giving you absolutely no grounds to retaliate on. We will just see who holds out longer, staying and looking unfazed. I always say, and so agreed my friends, that I'm a good actress, yet to be excavated by Hollywood. Ahh, the art of it.

You leave this blog, thinking I must be the most scary kinda girls to be around with 'cos you'd never know what runs in my mind, behind my unfazed and understanding mug. haha...

Lemme tell you this, my friends, we all act. We are all social actors in this big kaleidoscope stage. I dare tell you I work hard at maintaining my many images in this superficial world. And I do not maintain an image with a hidden agenda; I just realise the importance of self-presentation as a means of self-respect. That's better than someone who doesn't tell you anything and then, backstab you when you let down your guard. It's a fair game we're playing, me and you. Have fun.

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 13:50